Dear Wags,

Let's make this quick: The Oscars need a dose of New State of the Union energy. They require a less reverent air, more raucous acting out in the audience, fewer stylists curbing bad taste, somebody shouting You Lie! from the cheap seats during an acceptance speech, and the winner giving it right back from the podium, etc. We’ve said this since about 1972, but among all the ills suffered by the Academy Awards, sanctimony is tops.

Last night mostly went how we thought it would. We were right about nearly everything, most especially our hedging. Your rundown follows.

Yours Ever,

Marcello Rubini

Emma Stone’s Win is Not Surprising

Some of us thought Lily Gladstone could hold off Stone-mentum, but we were warned. “I told you so,” says our pal, The Snarky Publicist. “I felt the mood shift well before Emma Stone won the BAFTA.” Stone had a far showier role and Best Actress has been the tightest major category in recent years (ask Glenn Close). Killers of the Flower Moon was one of Scorsese’s best films, but voters seem to have moved on. “Nothing against Gladstone,” says S.P. “Emma simply had the better part.”

Unstoppenheimer Delivered, Mostly

Oppenheimer’s dominance was so overwhelming, the only question was whether its Oscars tally would land it on the all-time most list. That was always going to be tough. Ben Hur (1959), Titanic (1997), and Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) all won 11 Oscars. To rival them, Oppenheimer neededed to knock off contenders in below the line categories where it wasn’t favored. It wound up with seven wins, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actor. The major beneficiary in the craft awards was Poor Things, which took home Best Costume Design, Best Production Design, and Best Makeup and Hairstyling alongside Stone’s second Best Actress win. Four Oscars for Yorgos Lanthimos’ movie (no competitioin for Nolan’s juggernaut at the box office) shows just how much the Academy loves him.

Can This Be Over Now?

Barbie, a pop culture moment that aged like sour milk, went out with Ryan Gosling’s Thunder Down Under performance of I’m Just Ken. Like everything else Barbie, it was relentlessly hyped beforehand. Gosling is lovable, but it was more hot pink Bubble Yum,