Total Eclipse of the Wag!
Remember, an accident can be an unhappy woman's best friend! Dolores Claiborne (Katy Bates) makes efficient use of a total eclipse (Sony Pictures).
Dear Wags,
Such an apocalyptic expression, Path of Totality! On April 8, the moon will blot out the sun for as long as 4 minutes and 28 seconds—a much-publicized occasion of pilgrimage and wonderment. Total eclipses are mundane celestial happenings, popping by every 18 months or so. Still, they are rarely glimpsed in populated places, which is what recommends this installment. More than 30 million people from Maine to Mexico will be under the aforementioned path. Cloud cover permitting, a good chunk of them will put on funny glasses and gaze heavenward.
With apologies to our Druid high priest, we’re not typically moved by this sort of thing. Our favorite total eclipse appears in Stephen King’s novel Dolores Claiborne. In the 1995 movie version, Dolores (Kathy Bates) memorably finishes off her godawful husband Joe (David Strathairn) while every boob in New England looks up. The moon, a nifty accomplice, gives Dolores cover for justifiable homicide. In giving way to the sun, it also symbolizes her deliverance from horror.
We advise against using this eclipse to shroud murder, but insist you fall for a handy metaphor. You don’t need a New York City earthquake or a celestial stunt to grasp your potential. But should you catch the moon upstaging the sun next week, let it be a reminder that you are steadfast in darkness and quite capable of finding your way back to light. And now, a few indoor, cornea-safe diversions.
Yours ever,
Farewell, My Lovely
Sugar (AppleTV +). You were dead, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that, oil and water were the same as wind and air to you. Wag Emeritus Raymond Chandler would appreciate Colin Farrell as a bruised gumshoe peaking under Hollywood gloss in his search for the missing granddaughter of a big producer (James Cromwell). In the process, he stumbles upon the mogul’s dark secrets. Amy Ryan is the lady with a past. Go down this mean street. —Noah Cross
Ripley, Revived
Ripley (Netflix). Does the world always mete out just deserts? Patricia Highsmith posed the question in her masterpiece, The Talented Mr. Ripley. The answer, shocking for 1955, was no. Talented, homicidal Tom Ripley, does awful things and prospers in five novels; he may be greatest antihero ever invented. Wag Steven Zaillian tackles the first Ripley story (previously adapted by René Clément in 1960 and Anthony Minghella in 1999), rendering the thriller in black and white. Andrew Scott, perfectly cast, follows Alain Delon and Matt Damon as the glorious grifter. Hired to track down wayward heir Dickie Greenleaf (Johnny Flynn) in Italy, Tom soon gets darker ideas. If only people would listen to poor Marge (Dakota Fanning). This version grasps Ripley’s cunning. — Frederick Miles
Smile, Though Your Heart is Breaking
Girls State (Apple TV +). It’s lousy, what we do to young women. Shiny new expectations with uplifting slogans are endlessly heaped upon them, while old-fashioned demands are tightly locked in place. Jesse Moss and Amanda McBaine capture some of that tension in their sequel to their acclaimed doc Boys State. This time out, we follow a cross-section of Missouri girls as they participate in a week-long experiment in governing. Being girls, they gamely tackle thorny issues and work earnestly on solutions. Their pluck will give you hope for democracy. All the tight smiles may make you feel a bit sad for them, too. — Tammy Metzler
Randy Andy
Scoop (Netflix). There are scandal-plagued royals, and then there is Prince Andrew, who is in a class by himself. Philip Martin adapts the account of BBC Newsnight editor Sam McAlister (Billie Piper) who wrangled the disastrous interview that resulted in the prince’s exile from public life. Rufus Sewell is uncanny as Andrew, Gillian Anderson is flinty TV presenter Emily Maitlis, Romola Garai weighs in as a fellow journo, and Keeley Hawes is Andrew’s magnificently unlucky flack. — William Boot
Did you know that the first vacuum cleaner was powered by teams of horses and took six people to operate, or that the ancestor of your fridge was dreamed up by the ancient Persians? Of course you didn’t! Domestic historian Ruth Goodman enthusiastically uncovers the secret histories of everyday items such as wallpaper and toothpaste. The Curious History of Your Home is her jolly salute to these humble but strangely compelling household objects. Just be thankful we no longer brush our chompers with ground up bones. —Joanna Eberhart
There’s a particular flavor of New York unhappiness—a yearning that looks up from the filthy street to the brownstone window, calling I want, I want. Vampire Weekend has a new song, Mary Boone, named after the superstar art dealer who went to prison for tax fraud. It’s really not about Boone, but about striving to be somebody in an unforgiving city. Painted white, new town/You’re weren’t hiring, but I was looking, sings Ezra Koenig. In those days, my working days/came in from Jersey, not from Brooklyn. It’s too much hunger, being young in New York. —Thalia Keith
Angelenos know the San Gabriel Valley is the place to go for great Cantonese and Sichuan cuisine. When we’re anywhere near Pasadena, we make a bee-line for Tam’s Noodle House, which serves Hong Kong-influenced dishes from its corner of a San Gabriel mini mall (there’s another outpost in Rowland Heights). The signature dumplings and abalone low noodles will make you think you took the 10 freeway straight to Kowloon. (120 North San Gabriel Boulevard, San Gabriel). — He Qiwu
CultureWag is the brainchild of JD Heyman, former top editor at People and Editor-in-Chief of Entertainment Weekly (among other things) and staffed by the Avengers of Talent. Our goal is to cover interesting topics with wit and integrity. We serve smart, funny recommendations to the most hooked-in audience in the galaxy. Questions? Drop us a line at intern@culturewag.com.
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